Fully Unapologetic: What Inspires Me (as a 54-year-old Fat Woman)
I recently saw a post that said STAR WARS was closer to World War II than today. I quickly did the math in my head and realized…….SON OF B*TCH! The post was right. (And wow….Mark Hamill was a kid when he was in that, wasn’t he?)
I did not see STAR WARS in the theater. I was too young. But I did see EMPIRE STRIKES BACK and RETURN OF THE JEDI. Both required waiting in line for hours and then being escorted back into the barn like sheep. I’m sure, at the time, I was annoyed at waiting. I remember it fondly today: I believe we played backgammon while sitting on the sidewalk outside Springfield Mall.
I have reached a time in my life where I don’t feel young, but I don’t feel old either. I feel nostalgic about the past and excited about the future. I know I’ve got plenty of time ahead of me…at least, I hope I do. But at the same time, life is short. It truly is. Days, weeks, and years fly by faster than they did in the past. Like, where the hell did 2024 go?!?!
My perspective on life has morphed over these past five decades. I have seen enormous changes in art, technology, culture, global politics, etc. I’ve changed careers. I’ve lived in different cities. I’ve traveled the world. I’ve lost parents, siblings, friends, and loved ones. I’ve experienced victories (2019 World Series) and crushing defeats (so many shows that didn’t get picked up.) I’ve been a brunette, a redhead, had purple streaks, a silver fox, dark brown nearly black hair, and a blonde.
A few things have remained the same. My teeth are still crooked. My left knee has been broken since I was 10. And I’ve always been heavy.
“Heavy” has done a lot of work these past 50+ years. I’ve been “really heavy,” “kind of heavy,” and “heavy but solid.” Fat people know what I’m talking about. It’s taken time to accept that the majority of my life is as a fat person. Proof: STAR WARS was 47 years ago, and I was a chubby kid when it came out. (Still….wow.)
That fact about me has not changed. What has is what inspires me with this newfound acceptance.
Here is where I find inspiration as a middle-aged fat woman:
Celebrities challenging the status quo on body image: I watched LEE, a biopic about World War II photographer Lee Miller starring Kate Winslet. There are numerous scenes in the film where Kate bares all. And you know what? She looks like a normal woman! She and Emma Thompson have said they’ve had enough of the body shaming in Hollywood. The recent scandal surrounding the movie IT ENDS WITH US is filled with eye-popping accusations. The one that caught many women’s attention was the supposed pressure on Blake Lively to lose weight right after giving birth. I’m not here to say what did or did not happen. But most women do know the pressure to lose weight to fit some supposed “ideal.” Do you think it’s exaggerated? Read interviews with Jamie Lee Curtis, Pamela Anderson, and any actress over 55. The pressure is real. Their voices against the status quo is fantastic. More power to these powerhouses!
Larger women as fashion icons: I discovered a Charlotte, NC boutique called Juicy Body Goddess. Here is a store with the most fabulous clothes in Sizes 12 and up. They recently posted about a beautiful girl trying on a prom dress. I started tearing up. She looked so happy and fabulous. Why was I shedding happy tears? WE DIDN’T HAVE THIS IN THE 80s! Once, when I was 14, I had to go to a gala, and my clothes looked like I was a really young senior citizen. I once backed out of being a bridesmaid because I knew the designer didn’t make dresses in my size. Now, there are designers and stores providing extended sizes and fabulous, stunning clothes to boot. Did you see what Melissa McCarthy wore to the Golden Globes? Or how Da’Vine Joy Randolph is a fashion goddess? How Christian Soriano, arguably the most outstanding reality show contestant ever, is committed to dressing plus-sized women? I’m seeing myself in fashion instead of wondering how that Nicole Kidman dress would look on me. No offense to most Hollywood starlets but I have hips.
Special shoutout here to BIPOC designers and plus-sized women. They have always been fully unapologetically themselves and have inspired me since I was young. Did I watch LIVING SINGLE because Queen Latifah was a successful, beautiful woman who just happened to be bigger than a Size 4? Hell yes. I have shopped at Ashley Stewart for years because they understand how to fit “larger assets.” So yeah….big shoutout.
Men and women who demand a place at the table: Plus-sized athletes deal with so much harassment online that it’s a wonder how they tolerate it. Some haters believe that attention and sponsorships are like pie, and there is only so much pie. And if they aren’t getting a piece of the pie because they are fit, run/swim/bike/hike/etc., and thin, but someone fatter has pie, then it’s the fat person’s fault. Think about that. It doesn’t matter how hard the plus-sized person worked. You don’t deserve it because I am thinner than you. These athletes–Louise Green, Martinus Evans, Mirna Valerio, Latoya Shauntay Snell, Andy Neal, and others–stand up to these haters and take their place at the table. I can’t tell you how inspiring these folks are to me.
Those who find joy and light in this crazy, mixed-up world: It’s easy to fall into an emotional black hole. There is no shortage of noise with social media. News is at our fingertips. Do you want a bath loofa delivered to your house in the next hour? It can happen. We are bombarded with so much stimulation that it feels like we’re trapped in a never-ending game of Galaga. (For younger folks, think Guitar Hero.)
But in that full-on assault of the senses, light can find a way to break through. When you reach my age, you have a better understanding of your mortality. I nearly lost my husband in 2023. I have some dear friends who are battling life-altering illnesses. You find that you can either be inspired by the joy in the world or sink into a void. I am inspired by the light and the joy that others find in their lives. I don’t take it for granted as I may have years ago.
Why would this be earth-shattering information: inspirations of a 54-year-old fat woman? I want to express how much progress has occurred, mainly with the advent of social media and an interconnected world. I spent most of my lifetime seeking many of these inspirations but not finding them. Would I have been much more confident in my teens and 20s had these role models been available? Absolutely. I wish I knew back then what I know now.
So now I think about those inspirations and proudly accept who I am. I think about those fashion icons, incredible athletes, and celebrities bringing truth to power. I am inspired to be fully unapologetic and find joy and light for my next life stage.
#inspiration #bodyacceptance #femaleempowerment #fullyunapolgetic
###
About the Author:
Shannon Malone-deBenedictis (she/her) is a two-time Emmy award-winning documentary filmmaker, creative consultant, speaker, and facilitator. From writing her first play at age 10 to executive producing documentaries for Disney+, Netflix, and others, she's always loved telling stories. Learn more about Shannon’s speaking topics and creative services at padlincreative.com.
